Hot Slut Of The Day!

Oscar Mayer’s cheese-stuffed Rolling Cheese hot dogs! 

If you’re American, then you’re probably not reading any of these words since you’re honoring the men and women who died while protecting our country by guzzling down a lunch shake of blended brisket and beer while ordering a 30% off propane-fueled butt vibrator at Walmart (Side note: I really hope they sell that). It’s Memorial Day! Every morning, my brain farts up images of juicy, throbbing salchicha. But this Memorial Day morning, my brain farted up images of delicious cheese-filled hot dogs (That may or may not be my way of admitting to having an early morning wet dream about Russell Brand.)

Unlike former Memorial Day Hot Slut Frank ‘N Stuff Hot Dogs, Oscar Mayer’s cheese-filled hot dogs didn’t fill up your mouth with a hot load of chili and queso (there’s a Backdoor Farrah ass-to-mouth joke in there somewhere), they just filled your throat with microwaved cheese. I talk about these all the time, because I was obsessed with them as a kid.

So today, I looked to see who still sold these heartburn-inducing processed rat meat and oil cheese deliciousness and I came across this picture of Oscar Mayer Rolling Cheese dogs from Spain. I didn’t think cheese-filled hot dogs could sound anymore delicious (and dry heave-y) until I saw them described as having “muchiiisimo queso!” “Muchiiisimo queso!” is also what the trick Gerard Butler picked up in Madrid says after giving him a beej in the bar bathroom.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone! Now I’m off to make my own muchiiisimo queso salchichas by injecting a turkey baster full of Velveeta into hot dogs.