Hot Slut Of The Day!
McDonald’s McCokespoon!
Every November, White Oprah takes her chirrun to McDonald’s for a special Thanksgiving night dinner (“Only 1 thing each from the dollah menu, you unemployed whores!” – White Oprah) and as she sits there under the fluorescent lighting, a gin-infused black mascara tear trickles down her bronzer and fake tanner-encrusted cheek while she reminisces about the golden age of McDonald’s when they were a company that truly cared about their customers. When they were a company that went above and beyond to make their customers happy. She’s thinking solely of the exquisitely-crafted McDonald’s McCokespoon!
A million years ago, McDonald’s provided their customers with a tiny, little spoon to stir their coffee with, but nobody was using that tiny spoon as a coffee stirrer. A cokespoon? Definitely. A shovel that Barbie used to bury the dismembered limbs of Midge and Ken after she caught them scissoring and murdered them? Probably. But a coffee stirrer? Never! In the 1970s, the geniuses at McDonald’s finally realized that nobody was using their tiny spoon as a coffee stirrer and everybody was using it as a cokespoon. McDonald’s “redesigned” their coffee stirrer after they learned that cokeheads and junkies were using it as a drug tool. via Snopes
In the late 1970s, it became apparent the small plastic coffee spoons at McDonald’s restaurants were being used by some immersed in the drug culture for other than their intended purpose of stirring hot beverages. These plastic implements had become a popular item of drug paraphernalia, a sort of Everyman’s coke spoon, and were being used to measure and snort powdered cocaine as well as PCP.
The practice of using these implements in such fashion became so widespread that at least in some cities, a dose of cocaine was dubbed a “McSpoon” because it came packaged in
the tiny coffee stirrers from McDonald’s restaurants. In 1992 an undercover detective in Columbus, Ohio, said McSpoons were commonly sold ten to a bundle in that town and twelve to a bundle in Detroit.
Doug Timberlake, a spokesman for McDonald’s Corp., said at the time that the fast-food chain had decided to redesign its spoons because “It has been brought to our attention that people are using them illegally and illicitly for purposes for which they are not intended.”
Oh please, McDonald’s knew all along. I mean, Ronald McDonald is the biggest coke whore of them all. That red nose, those shifty eyes, always jittery…. Coke whore!
You can buy McCokespoons on eBay, but if you go up to any McDonald’s cashier and discreetly touch your nostril, they’ll lead you to a dumpster behind the restaurant where a coked up Ronald McDonald will gladly sell you the most elegantly designed cokespoon of all-time.
Pic: Etsy