While Jimmy Fallon and the staff at The Tonight Show are mainlining Red Bull and pulling all-nighters to think up new ideas for wacky musical shit to do with guests (“I got it! We’ll have Jimmy and Kate Hudson twerk to Baby Got Back, followed by a Brian Williams rap to Eazy-E’s Gimme That Nutt“) Jimmy Kimmel is getting straight to what people want: celebrities getting read to the teeth by a bunch of randoms on Twitter.
When Jimmy Kimmel first started his Celebrities Read Mean Tweets series two years ago, most of the tweets were pretty tame, but this time around, shit got shady. Emma Stone learned that she looks like she smells like cat piss (clearly this person has never seen a picture of someone who actually looks like they smell like cat piss). Courteney Cox learned that she’s a “pussy hoe”. Jeremy Piven learned that there’s someone out there who hopes his dick falls off in public. Ashton Kutcher learned that he needs to get his by a bus as soon as possible (“I’ll get the bus!” – Charlie Sheen).
But the best is when The Texas T-Rex reads “Matthew McConaughey is a dick turd”, then with a confused look on his face asks what a dick turd is, pronouncing “turd” like he’s taking an extra-long hit off a very satisfying bong. Then again, he could be so high, he’s forgotten what a cellphone is. I mean, it’s possible – he is wearing a pinky ring, and that’s the kind of life choice you make after diving head-first into the good shit.