When A&E put Duck Dynasty’s Phi Robertson on a two-week-long fake suspension for telling GQ that loving man anus is a disgusting sin and that black people were singing the happies during the Jim Crow era, I thought he’d spend his time in the time out corner realizing that maybe he shouldn’t condemn others to the fiery pits of Hell for serious and maybe he shouldn’t cherry pick quotes out of the Bible to serve his own purpose. I thought he’d come out a completely different person and lead the way for marriage equality in Louisiana!!! But nope. Phil Robertson is still out there Phil Robertson-ing.
In a video posted by TMZ that magically appeared days before the debut of Dick Dynasty’s new season, the hillbilly whose family got rich by tricking ducks into thinking they’re gonna get fucked told the congregation at his church during Easter Sunday service that he meant what he said about gays and gay people were just mad at his ass because he told us the truth.
“They were mad at me…. You say, ‘Why’d they get mad at you?’ Because instead of acknowledging their sin, like you had better do, they railed against me for giving them the truth about their sins. Don’t deceive yourselves. You want the verse? The news media didn’t even know it was a verse! They thought I was just mouthing off. Is homosexual behavior a sin? The guy asked me. I said, ‘Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?’ Don’t be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolators nor adulterers nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”
Pictures of Lindsay Lohan snorting coke off of a john’s ass lips and RiRi inhaling weed smoke from a bong through her nipple slits would be more shocking and surprising than this video of Phil Robertson once again blabbing on about gays not inheriting the kingdom of God. Whatever. My Catholic abuelita taught me that any trick who wears a dirty t-shirt to church is pure basura and you shouldn’t listen to a thing they say. I mean if you’re going to say that gays and hookers aren’t going to Heaven, you should at least wear a Men’s Wearhouse blazer while doing so.
Here’s the video if you need to see it. If there was a thought cloud hanging over Phil’s head, the picture of a throbbing man anus would be in it.