No, not the Darth Vader, although James Earl Jones does has a hot voice; but I’m guessing his 83-year-old pepaw sperm retired to the lanai with a bag of Werthers and an ice cold glass of Ensure a long time ago. No, we’re talking about Darth Vader 2.0 Hayden Christensen, who knocked a baby Ewok up into the uterus of his girlfriend of 7 years Rachel Bilson, according to Us Weekly:
“They’ve both talked about this for awhile and are so excited,” a Bilson insider tells Us. “Everyone is beyond thrilled for them.”
Everyone is thrilled for them. Marissa Cooper is thrilled for them. Ryan from Chino is thrilled for them. Jar Jar Binks is thrilled for them. And I’m thrilled I could do a good deed today by mentioning the names of three people who could really use some current publicity.
Typically this is where I pop a bottle of Baileys in memoriam of Rachel’s freedom, since pregnancy usually means trading in nights spent sucking off boxes of wine and bongs for getting elbow deep in warm baby caca for the next couple of years. But Rachel recently admitted that she “did all the drugs and alcohol” before she got famous and she hasn’t really felt the need to party ever since, so I’ll raise a congratulatory warm glass of lemon water to her and Hayden instead.