Let’s play a quick game of Would You Rather. Would you rather…be invited to a party thrown by Justin Bieber that you HAVE to go to, or invite Paris Hilton to a party you’re throwing that she will definitely show up to. Okay, I’ll start with the first question: Am I allowed to kill myself? No? Fine, I’ll pick going to the Justin Bieber party, but only because kid’s parties usually have cake and pizza, and I can ignore that brat long enough to get some cake and pizza.
Paris Hilton, on the other hand, must not like pizza (“I don’t eat stuff that reminds me of what I see when I stand naked over a mirror”) because TMZ says that she couldn’t stand more than half an hour at a party thrown by Justin Bieber in Cannes. It all started when Vanilla Ice Cream Cone and 2005’s slimy stinky thong were partying together at a nightclub in Cannes. They got along really well (a witness claimed to have seen Paris crawl onto Bieber’s lap, aaaaaaand I just vomited) eventually deciding to leave the club with 50 of their
parasitic paid leeches friends, and make their way back to Baby Bieber’s rented French club house.
Justin then decided to show Paris that she wasn’t the only shitty DJ in the house by hitting play on his iPod, except he must have forgotten to load more music after his bodyguard deleted all the Wiggles songs earlier that day (“It’s making him too rowdy”) because the only thing he played was his own music. After half an hour, she decided the party was lame and left. It took her half an hour to figure that out?? Jizz-rot truly is a hell of a disease. At least now she knows what it’s like to go to one of her own shows.
And in case the mental image of a skanky lizard slithering onto the lap of a busted My Buddy doll wasn’t enough to give you the heaves, here’s a shirtless Justin toddling around the Boulevard de la Croissette. Pardon my French, but I’d happily give somebody €50 to pousser ce petit shithead dans l’eau pour moi.