Ah, greased-up bouncy man titties; is there any better way to start your day? Well, besides waking up to the news that Justin Bieber, Lindsay Lohan, and every Kardashian-Jenner (except for Bruce) have been selected by NASA to embark on a one-way trip into a black hole (“Tell me more about this black hole. Is it single?” – Kim Kardashian). But because Dorito Jesus can’t grant all of our wishes, seeing a shirtless Terry Crews will have to do for now.
Since Jimmy Fallon is a not-so-secret sadist who gets off on making guests of The Tonight Show do some cringe-worthy stuff in exchange for plugging their latest paycheck, Terry Crews came on to pimp out that new Adam Sandler movie The Brady Bunch Goes To Africa (or Blended, whatever) and ended up taking his shirt off and flexing his sessy pecs to “Ebony and Ivory”. Unfortunately, Jimmy Fallon was too much of a pussy to stand topless beside the chiseled beauty that is Terry Crews’s slimy naked chichis, so he used a body double and had them green screen his head on.
But there’s only one problem: “Ebony and Ivory” is too slow for Terry to really twerk those titties. Greasy chesticles like those deserve something with a little speed. Imagine if he’d nip synched to Vanessa Carlton instead? No, you’re right – The Tonight Show probably isn’t insured for that much sexiness.