How Thoughtful: Ray J Is Giving Kim Kardashian Money He Made From Their Sex Tape As A Wedding Gift

May 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Because Ray J gave up his career as a rapper long ago in exchange for becoming a master-level troller (ie. one who makes millions of dollars by fucking a troll) TMZ says that in honor of Low Klass Kim’s upcoming pre-divorce to Kanye West, he’s decided to generously give an envelope full of piss-soaked porno cash to his former sex tape co-star (although I believe SAG-AFTRA would technically consider her performance more of a background role, since she’s about as active and present as a piece of furniture).

7 years ago, the drowsy hooker with the heart of jizz sold the sex she made with Ray J to Satan in exchange for fame, fortune, and an endless supply of silicone butt injections, and Satan has been steadily dumping cash into both of their bank accounts at Asshole Savings and Loan ever since. But just how much money will Pimp Mama Kris’s bottom bitch be rolling around on back in the honeymoon suite? According to TMZ, Ray J is giving Kim his portion of the sex tape profits from the first 4 months of 2014, which is:

- January  $6,135.60
- February $20,097.31
- March $9,674.76
- April $10,931.52
- TOTAL:  $46,840.13

That’s right, while you’re forced into a Sophie’s Choice between an animal-style double-double from In-N-Out or paying your cellphone bill (you can steal wifi from Target, go for the burger) Brandy’s useless brother is collecting thousands of dollars every month as a reward for fucking a plastic-faced fame whore. Life, you truly are an evil bitch. But the jokes on Ray J. He probably thinks his money will be returned to him after the wedding, since nobody with even a shred of dignity or an ounce of self-esteem would ever accept such an insulting gift. Well, you can say sayonara to that $47,000 Ray J, because you’re dealing with the Kardashians; they’d take a cheque from Hitler and the evil dog who took a chunk out of Jeremy.

And speaking of shameless dumpy prostitutes, here’s the most-requested hooker from Lucifer’s Choice Discount Escorts in Paris with her future third ex-husband Kanye West. Aww, it’s just like the film Ratatouille: a hairy rodent with an overstuffed butt from a family of rats trying to convince the people of Paris she’s not a trash-dwelling scavenger (no offense to Remy or actual rats, of course).

Pics: Splash

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