Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Poppy, our new oldest pussy alive!

Today, the Guinness World Records dropped an old bitch crown onto the head of Poppy of Bournemouth, England who has lived on this earth for 24 years (114 in human years) and as you can tell from that picture, is pretty much over this shit. Pinky from Kansas was the reigning oldest cat alive until she went off to the great big, giant litter box in the sky at the age of 23 last year. Poppy’s human, Marguerite Corner, wrote to Guinness, because she felt that she had the oldest living pussy on her hands (“Me too, actually” said Madge’s latest boy toy as she screams at him to finger her faster). After Guinness verified that Poppy is 24, they gave her the title. Marguerite tells Guinness that Poppy’s secret to outliving most cats is filling her eating hole with KFC and fish and chips!

“People always ask what we put Poppy’s longevity down to and I guess she has a good diet and lots of exercise. She keeps herself fit by walking around and she eats a lot. She has biscuits in the morning and tinned food later on. She’s never been a big cat though. She is partial to the odd takeaway. We sometimes give her a bit of KFC chicken, Fish and chips and even the odd bit of kebab meat.”

A cat that eats KFC?! PETA is so confused right now and is probably going to take a mental health day to let that fact sink into their brains.

Marguerite adds that even though Poppy is deaf and blind, she’s still the head bitch of the house and will come at any animal that tries to eat her food.

“Poppy is definitely the top cat and she is still quite feisty. If one of the other cats tries to eat her food she will bite them on the ear. She’s deaf and blind and meows for everything. We call her stroppy Poppy sometimes. She can get up the stairs but we won’t let her walk down. Over the last year her health has gone down and we know the end is near. Poppy does seem to be out-living all our other pets too. We unfortunately had a hamster and bunny die on us last year. Each time we tell the grandparents we’ve lost an animal, they all assume its Poppy. I’ve said goodbye to her a few times but she keeps on going.”

I’m guessing that the “everything” in “meows for everything” includes meowing at Guinness for taking her picture, meowing at her owner for giving her a half-assed nasty birthday cake that looks like caca on vomit, meowing at her family for giving her KFC instead of Popeye’s and meowing at pepaw and memaw for wishing her dead. Poppy is over it and hates everything. I want to be Poppy when I’m 114 (24 in pussy years).

Pic: Guinness World Records

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