And now here’s a story that’ll make you want to pour gallon jugs of Gallo roe-zay (I’m too lazy to put that accent over the e in rose) into a plastic trash can and dunk your head in there and drink until it’s all gone. I’ve got heartburn issues (read: I’M OLD) so I’ll have to butt chug a few dirty martinis instead.
At the launch of her animal advocacy charity, The Pamela Anderson Foundation, in Cannes on Friday night, Pamela Anderson told 200 guests that animals healed the scars she got on her soul from having a shitty, shitty childhood that involved rape and molestation. According to People, Pamela told the audience that when she was just 6 years old, a female babysitter molested her. The stories got more horrific after that. Pamela says she was raped by a 25-year-old when she was 12-years-old and later she was gang raped by a boyfriend and his friends. Pamela says that after all the traumatic shit she went through, she wanted to strap herself to a rocket heading to Mars until she got close to animals and realized that not all living things on this planet have dark hearts made of evil and are possessed by Satan.
“I did not have an easy childhood. Despite loving parents, I was molested from age six by a female babysitter.”
Six years later, the former Baywatch star had her first “heterosexual experience” when a board game with an acquaintance turned into a horrific ordeal.
“I went to a friend’s boyfriend’s house and his older brother decided to teach me backgammon, which led into a back massage, which led into rape,” she said. “He was 25 years old and I was 12.”
After a boyfriend “decided it would be funny to gang-rape me with six friends,” Anderson admitted she “wanted off this earth.”
“My affinity with animals saved me, they came to me naturally. The trees spoke to me. I wasn’t sure why I was alive – a burning question, a quest,” she said. “My loyalty remained with the animal kingdom. I vowed to protect them and only them. I prayed to the whales with my feet in the ocean, my only real friends until I had children.”
The last paragraph makes Pamela sound like she was temporarily taken over by the patchouli-scented, barefoot spirit of Shailene Woodley. It happens to all of us whether we like to admit it or not. Last night, I told my friend that when the trees blow in the wind, it looks like the leaves are waving to me. I was not stoned.
I’m assuming all of the sick fucks who abused Pamela got away with it, but I’m sure Tara the Bodyguard Cat will take care of them.
And here’s Pamela and her exquisitely crafted No. 2 pencil brows in Cannes on Friday night.