Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Believe it or not, today’s HSOTD isn’t the dude with the hot farmer tan who is always ready for a serious business call thanks to the bluetooth headset that is permanently attached to his ear. The HSOTD is his wife, Melissa Davenport, who is suing the city of Sandy Springs, Georgia for the right to get her vibrator on. Yes, Sandy Springs has banned sex toys. Your twat just woke up in 1934.

Go ahead and write “Sandy Springs, GA” at the top of places you’ll never ever live in under any goddamn circumstances, because they passed some dumbass, ridiculous, shitty ordinance making it illegal for citizens to buy sex toys without a prescription. (Cut to a citizen of Sandy Springs laughing at that ordinance while doing herself good with a fat cucumber she bought at the local farmer’s market. She’s really showing those sex toy-hating whores!) Sure, Melissa could buy her sex toys from a back alley dildo dealer while wearing a disguise in the middle of the night (or buy that shit online or in the next town over), but instead she’s decided to take it to the streets (or the local news) and fight for her right to fuck a vibrator.

Melissa tells WSB-TV 2 that she has multiple sclerosis and has pretty much lost all feeling in her down low parts. Melissa and her husband didn’t have sex for a while and it was ruining her marriage. But then she brought dildos into the bedroom and it saved her marriage. Dildos really do solve every problem. Melissa has hired an attorney and is fighting the ban, because it violates her fourteenth amendment right to screw her way to an orgasm with help from a rubber peen. I probably paraphrased that a little, but I’m pretty sure that’s almost exactly what John Bingham wrote. Melissa’s lawyer Gerry Weber said this about her lawsuit:

“The ordinance basically says the government can stick its nose in your bedroom and say you can use this but not that. People have the right to decide for themselves whether these devices help their intimate life, and the government has no business being the bedroom and second guessing that decision.”

Melissa truly is the Norma Rae of vibrators. I hope they turn this entire saga into a feature filmed called Coochloose.

Melissa’s story is after the cut. Warning: That shit auto-plays:

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