Just when you were beginning to think that the biggest whores of them all Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott have scraped through the bottom of the barrel and can scrape no more, they find a way to keep on scraping. In this clip from next week’s episode of your abuelita’s least favorite novela True Tori, failed swingers Tori and Dean fill their bedroom with the scent of boiling bullshit, pig farts and rotten desperation when they both meltdown during a scene that was written by writers whose credits include Passions, Days of Our Lives and the “I’m So Excited” episode of Saved By The Bell.
While looking like the kind of strung out trucker you don’t want to take a ride with if he pulls over next to you while you’re hitchhiking, Dean dramatically tells Tori that he doesn’t deserve her or his family and he wants to be with her. Tori re-defines the ugly cry in a way I didn’t think was possible and she screams at him to do something. Tori looks like a constipated Admiral Ackbar trying to push out a shit. If you watched that ridiculous clip and kept waiting for her head to spin before she throws up pea soup, you’re not alone. I thought the same thing. I wish I had a vat full of holy water to throw at the screen. Where’s a priest whose speciality is exorcising the fame whore demon out of a ho when you really, really need him?