Michael Sam Celebrates Getting Drafted By Cake Kissing His Boyfriend

May 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Michael Sam became the first every openly gay player to get drafted into the NFL last night when the St. Louis Rams (so many ram jokes, so little time) picked him up and if he makes the team he’ll become the NFL’s first openly gay player. Football is a foreign language to me, so I don’t know what any of those words mean. But I guess it’s wonderful news, because everyone cheered and while ESPN’s cameras were on him when he got the news, the raw emotion flowed out of Michael Sam and he wrapped his “anaconda trying to digest a family of hogs” arms around his hot piece of a boyfriend Vito before kissing him. So, an openly gay black athlete kissed his white boyfriend on TV…. If you pull out your binoculars and look out the window, you might see a charbroiled ball of fried skin flying by. That’s just Donald Sterling’s head flying through the air after it popped off of his neck.

The SEC Defensive Player of the Year, who came out a few months ago, was picked 249th overall. Of course, some hating whores are pissed about this and saying that ESPN shouldn’t show something on TV that the Bible says is wrong! I’m guessing those good Christians also send hate-filled letters to networks that show Red Lobster commercials, because eating shellfish is against God’s word. I also read some “THINK OF THE CHILDREN!” comments on other sites. I know, we really need to think of the children and stop torturing them by making them watch the NFL draft on ESPN, because that shit seems boring as fuck.

Yesterday, was an important day for the gay community and also for the two first names community and it’s the beginning of a new era, but with all that being said, I cannot condone this kind of behavior:

CAKE KISSING MUST BE STOPPED! Whenever I go to a wedding and I see the newlyweds smearing cake all over each other’s faces before kissing, I want to call 911 and report an assault on delicious cake. Cake is meant to be eaten! It’s not meant to be used as mouth lube! THINK OF THE CAKE!

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