Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Your Auntie Angel who gives you wonderful advice on how to terrify your man while grapefruit-ing his peen!

Before you say, “The hell does THIS mess have to do with Mother’s Day,” let me stop you and say that today, Auntie Angel is everyone’s mother and is giving us some important wisdom how to please your man and make a nutritional grapefruit and goat milk smooth at the same time. Auntie Angel of Angel’s Erotic Solutions is an intimacy and beej expert, and in this highly educational video tutorial, she teaches you how to make your man feel like you’re “giving him head and fucking him at the same time.” All you need is a grapefruit, a blindfold and Angel doesn’t mention this, but you’re also going to need earplugs, because once you start sucking, your man may have a heart attack thinking that a slobbering zombie is eating his dick.

Auntie Angel turns a regular, old grapefruit into Mother Nature’s Fleshlight and tells you to blindfold your man (unless he’s an out and proud citrus fucker) before putting the grapefruit Fleshlight around his peen. If your man doesn’t immediately rip off the blindfold and run screaming to the bathroom because his peen head starts stinging like Satan from the citrus juices getting into his peen slit, then start working that grapefruit while vacuuming up his head with your mouth. If you don’t sound like a cross between “a garbage disposal trying to shred up a celery stalk” and “Donald Duck hawking up a wet, juicy phlegm ball” while giving your man head, you’re doing it wrong. Oh, ¬†Auntie Angel, thank you for sharing your wisdom with us:

This is also a good technique to use on a dude you really want to break up with, but don’t know how to do it. Once you grapefruit him, he’ll immediately drop your crazy ass and leave you for a grapefruit.

And at Mother’s Day brunch at Auntie Angel’s house today, everybody is probably throwing a serious “I hope that’s cottage cheese…” side-eye at the white topping on the half-grapefruit in front of them.

via Dangerous Minds (Thanks Peaches)

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