Open Post: Hosted By Miley Cyrus And A Giant Inflatable Penis

May 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Canary Yellow’s glue-sniffing hooker-looking country cousin Miley Cyrus is currently terrorizing London (cut to Baby Prince George giving “Ugh WHY?” face). On Friday night she performed a surprise show at Heaven’s G-A-Y and because Miley isn’t Miley unless she’s putting something gross in her mouth, she licked an giant inflatable penis that was floating around in the audience. And this possum-brained trick wonders why she’s always laid up in the hospital with 50-CCs of penicillin pumping directly into her bloodstream.

She also dedicated her show in honor of her friends’s 23rd birthday by letting this gem escape from her freon-filled thoughts:

“He’s straight but I said that for years too, and finally it gets easier. You know, everyone’s a little bit gay. Some of us just a little bit more than others. You know, it’s the truth. Everyone’s gay. All it takes is one cocktail. And if that doesn’t work, sprinkle something in their drink. That’s what I always do.”

For those of you concerned Miley is advocating the use of roofies to turn someone gay, I don’t think that’s the “something” she’s alluding to. First off, Miley would never waste drugs on someone else, no matter what kind they are. Roofies, Viagra, Celebrex; a pill is a potential party and it’s going in her mouth. The only “something” she’s sprinkling in their drink is a mouthful of dried flakes that fall off her diseased tongue when she talks. I don’t know how that’s supposed to turn someone gay; maybe they’re hoping that a sip on Miley’s cooch will hold the antidote to the mouth disease they just drank?

Pic: Instagram

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