Courtney Love would fuck a hyena if it waved a half-smoked ciggie at her (who wouldn’t?), but she tells Channel’s 4 Alan Carr: Chatty Man (via UsWeekly) that when Russell Brand tried to get into her chonies, she turned him down, because he smelled “too musky.” We should totally bottle Russell’s stank and call it Too Musky. We can sell it at Sephora. We’ll become billionaires, because every living thing will buy it to keep Courtney Love off of their asses. It’ll be the Courtney Love repellent! Anyway, here’s the hilariousness that Courtney spit up:
“My favorite Russell Brand line was when we first were friends and he tried to hit on me and nothing ever happened. He goes, ‘I’ve had a lot of grand conversations, darling, but none of them have ever ended in an orgasm. Can we go in your room? He’s got some good lines. [But] I said to Russell, ‘You’re too musky for me, man.’He is a little musky. We did yoga together and the musk was there.”
I totally believe that Russell Brand tried to hump Courtney Love, because Russell Brand tries to hump any and everything. Russell walks down the street, spots a trash can he’s attracted to and chats it up for a second before he pulls his pants down and humps it good. Then Russell pulls his pants up, walks some more, spots a discarded cheeseburger wrapper that he’s attracted to and chats it up for a second before he pulls his pants down and humps it good. Russell fucks anything. How do you think he became the health department’s most wanted? What I don’t believe is that Courtney turned Russell down for smelling “musky.” That’s impossible! All the drugs she’s shoved up her nose ate her sense of smell. Bitch hasn’t smelled shit since the 90s.
Courtney probably took Russell up on his offer and as they were headed to a back alleyway to get it on, a citizen alerted the CDC who immediately showed up and broke them up by spraying them down with industrial-strength ammonia. Thank God, because imagine the STDs these two would’ve created together.