Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Glitter batons from the 80s!

You know how old whores say shit like, “I’m so old that for my birthday I got a pet dinosaur and sticks to play with”? Well, I’m so old that for my born day I got sticks to play with, but the sticks I got were plastic and filled with tons of fucking glitter. Since we’re all grown sluts now, you’re probably looking at those glitter batons and thinking to yourself, “The hell kind of sad excuse for a gay skinny dick dildo is that and what purpose did it serve.” It served a very important purpose, if not thee most important purpose.

Every time you touched a glitter baton, the fabulousness inside of you would awaken and you’d spend the next couple of hours putting carpet burns on your feet by sliding and swishing in your living room to Bananarama songs while twirling that glitter baton in the air. Every time, someone twirled a glitter baton in the air, a gay angel would fart out their first rainbow.

A 99 cent plastic stick from the dollar street is and forever will be MAGIC!

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