Open Post: Hosted By A Drunk Laura Jean Poon Trying To Pronounce Cara Delevigne’s Last Name

May 8, 2014 / Posted by:

Laura Jean Poon, Cara Delevigne, Kate Upton and Zooey Deschanel were all in an elevator together at RiRi’s after-Met Gala party and that sounds like either the start of a long, ride, torturous ride to HELL or like the start of the wet dream fantasy of a ho who’s really into flavorless Wonder Bread chicks.

In an Instagram video shot by Cara Delewhatever, Laura Jeanne Poon plays with her phone and says to Cara, “And if you force me to say your last name I’ll be fucked.” I’m a little disappointed that Laura Jeanne Poon didn’t shot out at Cara, “I am an AMERICAN citizen and I am on AMERICAN soil and I  am not going to say your FOREIGN last name.” (Side question: If you’re in an elevator above American soil, are you still on American soil?) But Laura Jeanne (who is giving me alpha sorority mega bitch in these videos) tries to say Cara’s last name and destroys every syllable when she says, “DELLUH-VIG-KNEE!” Bitch sounds like a Southern grandma trying to order at the Olive Garden.

And in a second video, Laura Jeanne Poon says Cara’s “super French” last name right and also burps up some wisdom about sex and girl names: “The most important thing in a girl’s name is that a man can whisper it into his pillow.”

Yes, because Cara Delewhatever really cares about a man whispering her name into his pillow. But Laura Jeanne Poon needs to stop bragging! Not every ho has a name that can make a man’s b-hole bust into a pucker frenzy when he says it. Even typing the ultra sexy name “Laura Jeanne Poon” gives me butt seizures.

Cara put both those videos up this morning and took them down a second later, because Laura Jeanne Poon is private like that.

via Gawker

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