Open Post: Hosted By An Embalmed Ghoul In Mr. Peanut Cosplay And A Barbie Mannequin

May 6, 2014 / Posted by:

That high-pitched whistle you hear is from the wind blowing through Vanessa Paradis’ front gap as she cackles over how she had Johnny Depp when he was still in the prime of his hotness and now that he’s with Amber Heard he looks like this.

Johnny Depp went to the Met Gala MESS Gala in NYC last night, because he’s currently fucking Amber Heard and Amber Heard said to him, “Bitch, you better go to this thing with me and you better pose with me in front of all the photographers or else I’ll stop fucking you.” Johnny’s pores are spewing out happiness, because he’s just so THRILLED to be there. Johnny’s face is the same face my abuelita makes when she’s at a children’s birthday party. It’s that “Will you just sit me in the corner with a big piece of cake and leave me alone?” face.

Johnny Depp is only 50, but he looks like a 200 year old zombie that is trying to pass off as a human by slathering his face with wax and gluing a bad wig to his head. These two look like a villainous casino magnate and his ingenue daughter.

Johnny has the sads when he poses for the camera while she looks happier looking at the camera than looking at him. What I’m trying to say is their love is timeless and forever.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

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