The Prayers Of The Brangeloonies Have Been Answered: St. Angie Is Making Another Movie With Brad Pitt
If you just experienced a sudden violent shaking feeling, don’t worry. It wasn’t an earthquake; it was only the Earth’s axis shifting after the simultanoius explosion of the minds of a thousand Brangeloonies clutching at their Mr. & Mrs. Smith DVDs heard the news that the most important couple OF ALL TIME are making another movie together. According to Deadline, Jesus’s kinder half-sister Angelina Jolie is in talks to star along side Brad Pitt in a yet-unnamed film. Currently, all that’s known about the movie is that A) it has been written and B) it stars Angie and Brad, but really, isn’t that all we need to know? “That’s all I need to know” – Jennifer Aniston, as she pops open her 3rd box of Sadness Estates wine.
The last time Angie and Brapi filmed a movie together, it tore apart a beloved Hollywood marriage and launched a decade-long debate over whether or not Angelina Jolie is a true love-seeking romantic or a ghoulish home wrecking monster, so who knows what the hell will happen this time. Maybe working together will drive a wedge between the two, and Brapi will run back into the arms of Jennifer Aniston, and she’ll become the new homewrecker, leaving Angie with nothing but 6 children and a box of Sadness Estates wine. How could you Rachel from Friends?!?!
But one thing I’m certain of is that nobody involved in the filming or promotion of this movie will have to work very hard. They could set up a camera on a tripod in the corner of a living room film Angie and Brad browsing Reddit for 90 minutes, photoshop the title “THE BRANGELINA MOVIE” onto an old Mr. & Mrs. Smith poster, release it in 10 theatres at 3am on a Tuesday in February, and it would still go on to make $100 billion at the box office, win Best Picture at the Oscars, and be inducted into the National Film Registry.