Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 3, 2014 / Posted by:

ASTAR, the terrifying Canadian humanoid robot boy from Planet Danger!

Due to my unlimited knowledge of low-budget Canadian television, Michael K has once again asked me to take over Hot Slut. If you were a Canadian person who was alive in the 80s, you will definitely remember the living nightmare that is ASTAR. In fact, just seeing this picture probably made you pee your pants a little (I did). ASTAR was created for a War Amps commercial to teach kids to be safe around dangerous shit like saws and giant gears so that they don’t get their little arms chopped off. Except 99.9999% of kids didn’t learn shit, because the second this budget Blade Runner mess popped up on their TV screens, they threw their hands over their ears and started pleading with their parents to cut the power to the television.

The commercial is only 30 seconds long, but it packs in so many traumatizing WTF moments that it deserves an award from the child psychologists of Canada for keeping them in business throughout the 80s. The commercial opens with ASTAR, the broken condom baby of C-3PO and one of the aliens from Mac and Me, whipping around “Planet Danger”, a place where literally everything could kill you. Eventually, carelessly fucking around dangerous machinery leads to him getting his arm sawed clean off. That’s when ASTAR says the haunting phrase: “I am ASTAR, a robot. I can put my arm back on. You can’t. So play safe.” But really, he should  have said: “I am ASTAR. Planet Danger fucking sucks. Don’t ever move here. Also, sorry for the nightmares, kids.”

(For Ashley)

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