I know, I should shank myself in the ass in a communal shower for even asking that question. When any ho goes up against Crazy Eyes in the “Who Worked It Better?” game, it isn’t Crazy Eyes who loses.
Defibrillator pads were working overtime at the iFart Radio Awards in Los Angeles last night when the hearts of dozens of whores nearly stopped after RiRi sashayed on through with her nipple knobs and pussy lips actually covered up. Bitch was so covered up (for RiRi) that you’d think she was going to church. RiRi’s nipple slits and asshole must’ve felt so confused and suffocated, because usually they’re out in the open breathing in air. Everyone figured RiRi would show up in nothing but patent leather creepers and a beaded tampon string hanging out of her cooch. But RiRi really gave everyone a serious SHOCK when she wore clothes.
Speaking of those clothes, it looks like she bought all those clothes at a Charlotte Russe and Judy’s after time-traveling back to 1995. She looks like Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes if Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes played Fairuza Balk’s character in The Craft. It looks like The Matrix, Coolio and the Urban Decay section of an Urban Outfitters all took a shit on her at the same time. And you know, I don’t even hate it. Yes, that blue black green lipstick makes her look like the dead body of a hooker that was floating in the swamp for days, but that lipstick turned her tongue blue. And looking like you just tongue fucked Tobias Funke IS the look.