What a great day to be a Canadian person; the Raptors beat the Brooklyn Nets last night, perpetually-sweaty Mayor Rob Ford got busted smoking crack again (even Marion Barry is like “Slow down, man”), and now this: a story about the spoiled skidmark in Canada’s underwear Justin Bieber trying to start shit with a coked-out Rob Ford at a Toronto night club. All this, AND free healthcare? What a country!
According to The Toronto Star, the real-life Hoggish Greedly kicked off his latest crack-filed meltdown about a month ago when he invited 4 men he met hanging around City Hall back to his house (aka The Crack Nest), where he ordered a party bus and took them to Toronto night club Muzik, where he proceeded to “drink to excess”. Although to be fair, a normal person’s “excess” is his “slightly buzzed”.
By this point in the evening, Rob Ford – who has now turned into a drunk messy garbage person (not a radical transformation) – bumps into the toddler prototype of Baby Alive and tries to shake his hand, to which Justin meets with the question “Did you bring any crack to smoke?” Ugh, I know I should hate that bratty toddler, but a tiny part of my soul is cackling with joy over him asking that drunk shithead about smoking crack. I’m so conflicted right now. Anyways, after he joked about smoking crack, Rob Ford turned into Matt Foley motivational speaker and started screaming and ranting, prompting the 4 random guys he brought to the club to drag him back to their private booth, as Justin walked away.
And I’m sure Justin thought he was acting like such a tough badass, but there’s no way he was going to do any ass-kicking that night; Canadians love a good brawl, but even they draw the line at watching a baby and a man who looks like a baby fight each other.
Speaking of Lil’ Badasses, here’s an Alvin and the Chipmunks-looking Justin Bieber holding up traffic in NYC (but if someone told me it was a screen grab of the scene in Blank Check where Preston buys a limo, I’d believe that too):