One-half of one of my favourite train wrecks of all time James Franco was on Howard Stern’s radio show Wednesday morning, where he once again said that inclusion of his name on Lindsay Lohan’s list of contaminated penises is either typo or a Lohan Lie (it’s a special kind of lie, laced with delusion and coke dust) and he swore up and down on his mother’s life that he NEVAH stuck his jizz joint in her coke clam. However, MTV says he did admit to doing something just as risky and dangerous as rubbing genitals with that contaminated crazy; he kissed her ON THE MOUTH. I just held my mouth in a tight embrace and reassured it I would never do something so careless and irresponsible.
“I will swear on anything you ask that I have never had sex with Lindsay Lohan. All right, we maybe kissed. It was lame. I can’t believe she put me on that private list, she’s so delusional!”
“When we made out it was so long ago. I was like a nice guy,” he said, recalling that their make-out happened when he was filming Spider-Man 2 in New York in 2004. “‘Okay [I said], the kiss is enough.’ It was also like, ‘What the hell am I doing?’ She was young.”
How young? Well, back in Spider-Man 2 times, Lohan was 17 or 18-years-old, and James Franco would have been around 26, which isn’t the worst, but any pairing that might get a thumbs-up from Wilmer Valderrama should always a bit of a red flag. Franco then reminded Howard about all the times she tried to bone him at the Chateau Marmont, adding this new Alex Forrest-y detail:
“She even broke into my room one time. I was on the couch and opened my eyes and there’s Lindsay in my room at 3 am.”
And I’m sure that’s when “nice guy” James Franco told her to close her legs, gave her a mug of warm milk, and sent her back to her own bedroom. Listen James, you want to convince us you never slept with Lindsay Lohan? It’s simple, really: just show us your penis. If it’s not covered in a weird freckled rash, smells like cheap self-tanner, and has an orange polyester hair extension tangled around the base, then you’re off the hook. You can send the pictures to either Michael K or myself (preferably myself).