Professor Cameron Diaz, Dean of Women’s Pussy Studies at Our Bodies, Ourselves University, went on Watch What Happens Live Monday night to pimp out her film The Other Woman for the 4,209,372th time (dammit Cammy, give that whore a break already! Who are you, Pimp Mama Kris?). During a round of “Plead the Fifth”, the human version of Theodore Seville Andy Cohen asked Cammy to elaborate on the remarks she made to Glamour UK about all women thinking sexual thoughts about each other by asking if she’s ever swam in “the lady pond” (Thanks Andy, I just pictured a snapping turtle floating on a raft made of tampons):
Cammy D: Yes, I have been with a lady.
Andy Cohen: More than once?
Cammy D: You didn’t ask explicitly how I was with a lady, but I have been with a lady.
All of a sudden, this picture makes a lot more sense. Cameron didn’t explain how exactly she’s been with a lady, but I’m sure she’s saving that tidbit of information for the next stop on the never-ending promotional tour for The Other Woman, along with the story of the first time she tried anal, her theories on threesomes, and an anecdote on pegging.
Now because I’m a curious loser with an unhealthy interest in the sex partners of famous people, which of her friends do we think is the other woman? (oh god, I see what you did there, marketing team for The Other Woman). Drew Barrymore is the obvious choice, since she’s the type of kind-hearted soul who would selflessly make out with anyone if it looked like they needed cheering up. Gwyneth Paltrow is out; she won’t fuck anything that hasn’t first spent a week detoxing their mind/body/spirit at an exclusive $40,000 a week retreat in a country you’ve never heard of. But my guess is she went gayelle with her pal Tom Cruise after he cut his hair into bangs and she mistook him for a mature lady who might know her way around a pussy (boy, was she ever wrong).