An Icicle Forms In Hell: George Clooney Might Be Engaged To Amal Alamuddin (UPDATE: People Says It’s True)

April 26, 2014 / Posted by:

The Weather Channel in HELL reports that there’s a 50% chance that a severe ice storm will hit and freeze off all of the assholes on Lucifer’s minions. Because People and UsWeekly both say that the severe marriagephobe, who made it sound like he’d rather stick his tongue up Steve Wynn’s hairy asshole while screaming, “I HATE OBAMA,” over and over again than get married, got engaged to his piece of a few months Amal Alamuddin. If you happen to see three bald crazy women running down the street while screaming, don’t pay them any attention. It’s just Stacy Keibler, Sarah Larson and Elisabetta Canalis. They their minds and tore all of their hair out, because they weren’t even allowed to think of the word “marriage” while in Clooney’s presence and now the bastard might be engaged.

UsWeekly thinks that George might’ve given fancy British lawyer Amal a ring while they were on vacation in Cabo. Three nights ago, they were having dinner together at Craig’s in West Hollywood and some witness type says they were “toasting to their engagement.” George supposedly even told a stranger having dinner near them that they got engaged. George and Amal started casually dating last October but shit got serious a few months later. Some source spit this out about the two:

“This is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever seen George in. He seems incredibly happy, and Amal is such a sweet and intelligent girl, who has her own thoughts and ideas and doesn’t just bow down to everything he says.”

People says that Amal’s been wearing a big, shiny ring on THAT finger. Clooney’s rep had nothing to say about this.

If this is true (which it probably isn’t), then I’ll choose to believe that Michelle Pfeiffer wants that $100,000 George promised to pay her if he ever gets married and she got Amal Alamuddin to get him to propose to her. On his wedding day, George won’t find his bride at the altar, but he will find an invoice for $100,000 from Michelle. George is probably just trolling for attention, or his doctor told him he only has 2 months to live and he decided to take the rest of humanity with him by bringing on the apocalypse.

UPDATE: Some source tells People that it’s true and it didn’t happen that long ago.

“George and Amal are trying to keep things very low-key but they also aren’t really trying to hide this, it doesn’t seem. I think it’s like they want the people they love to know that this is real, that they plan on being together forever.”

George Clooney with the same trick forever and ever?! To the aliens who are pranking humanity by replacing George Clooney with a clone who has been programmed to want marriage; I like the way you think.

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