Canada’s most annoying spoiled brat, Justin Bieber, has been detained at LAX upon his return from his ‘Assholes in Asia‘ tour. UsWeekly says that shortly after his arrival in the U.S., everyone’s favourite thuggy baby shithead was removed from his BabyBjörn and placed in a playpen with other delinquent babies, while his bodyguards nervously wait outside, worrying that his diaper hasn’t been changed or they don’t have his favourite type of juice (baby likes apple mixed with orange).
The reason for his detainment is still unknown, but it doesn’t matter; all that matters is that the United States didn’t want to let his dumb ass back in. I bet the United States saw Justin Bieber rolling up to customs on his Scoot-Around, crossed its arms and yelled “NO WAY DUDE, AMERICA’S CLOSED”. Then America Fuck Yeah! started playing while bald eagles began soaring over LAX and shooting patriotic red, white, and blue fireworks from their beaks. U-S-A! U-S-A!
Meanwhile, Canada lowered the flag to half-mast in preparation for his return, started getting drunk to Blue Rodeo, and declared a national day of mourning.