Torture For Your Ears And Eyes: Avril Lavigne’s Music Video For “Hello Kitty”

April 22, 2014 / Posted by:

If 2004 Gwen Stefani swallowed a neon green bucket full of Ke$hit’s juicy queefs and swallowed it down with Skrillex’s wet burps and a candy necklace that Keroppi used as anal beads, she’d get the serious heaves and then barf out this video for Avril Lavigne’s ear-killing song “Hello Kitty.”

I was going to say that Avril is pretty much 30 going on 13, but two of my cousins are 13 and they’d rather be seen at the movies with their parents on a Saturday night than be seen in a goddamn pink ruffled skirt with cupcakes on it. This Hello Kitty butt dingle of a video is such a horrific abomination that Canada needs to immediately issue an apology to Japan.

The song is the perfect thing to listen to when you want the answer to the question, “Can ears actually bleed blood?”, (SPOILER ALERT: Listening to this wreck will prove that the answer is YES) and of course Chad Kroeger is a co-writer on it. Only the 12-year-old mind of Avril Lavigne and the Monster Energy Drink-infused brain of Chad Kroeger could come up with these poignant lyrics:

Mom’s not home tonight
So we can roll around, have a pillow fight
Like a major rager OMFG

Let’s all slumber party
Like a fat kid on a pack of Smarties
Someone chuck a cupcake at me

Avril Lavigne is practically 30 and she’s spitting out lyrics that a 12-year-old one consider too immature. Chad Kroeger is married to her. Chris Hansen needs to ask both of them to have a seat.

And here’s 2 things I would rather do than listen to that song again:

1. Listen to a Nickelback song (it’s that serious).

2. Shove a lighter wand in my ear and pull the trigger.

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