I’ll give you a moment to clean up whatever mess your downstairs parts made after they exploded from reading that sentence (if your reaction was anything like mine, you’re going to need a ShamWow).
Heaven’s Handsomest Earth Angel Jon Hamm just shot up to the No.1 position on my list of complete strangers I would donate a kidney to (there was a vacancy due to Bruce Jenner’s recent demotion) after speaking candidly and beautifully about the skid mark in Canada’s underwear, Justin Bieber, during an interview for the May issue of Men’s Fitness:
“Look at Bieber or whoever. You’re like, ‘What the fuck, man? What are you doing? Why?’ There’s no one telling those people no, and it’s a shame. [He should have] a mom or a dad or a really good friend who can say, ‘Hey, shithead!’ You see people in the world and you’re like, ‘Do you know how a washing machine works? Do you know how to wash a dish? Life skills are something we’re missing… just shit you needed to learn in life. There used to be a class that kids had to take in high school called home economics, which was cooking and sewing and just shit you needed to learn in life.”
I’m going to need another ShamWow, but this time it’s to mop up the tears of pure joy leaking from my eyes. Damn, Jon Hamm knows how to call a bitch OUT. I actually feel a bit bad for Justin Bieber (ew Allison, no) because it’s going to take weeks to recover from getting violently dry fucked by Jon Hamm’s truth. But also, to answer Jon Hamm’s question: No, he doesn’t have a mom or a dad. He’s the result of someone accidentally dropping a bottle of Summer’s Eve into a machine at the Hasbro factory.
And I need to send Jon Hamm a muffin basket, because “I bet you don’t even know how a washing machine works” is my new favourite insult.