Because Oprah threatened to feed Lindsay Lohan to her hair if that mess doesn’t go out there on the ho stroll and bring up the ratings, she was on Watch What Happens Live last night to sell the final episode of the reality shit show that will prove to producers and directors that she’s a reliable, responsible and easy to work with individual who’s not at all a cold sore stuck to everyone’s urethra. During her talk with the shifty, giggling Siamese cat Andy Cohen, LiLo said that she hardly ever drops her chest wontons into a bra, because she doesn’t like bras and she claimed that she wasn’t “partying” at Coochella. While playing Plead The Fifth, Andy brought up that list of all the famous hot pieces she’s supposedly rubbed her roast beef and cheddar slider on. Justin Timberlake, Ashton Kutcher, Joaquin Phoenix, James Franco, Zac Efron and Orlando Bloom were all on the list. InTouch, who published the list, said that LiLo made the list on a Scattergories sheet while getting drunk with her friends at a hotel bar. But last night, the embalmed freckled crack gremlin told Andy that she made the list in rehab at Betty Ford.
“That was actually my fifth step in AA at Betty Ford. And someone, when I was moving during the OWN show, must’ve taken a photo of it and so that’s a personal thing. It’s really unfortunate. I talk about this on the last episode of the OWN show, so to be continued…”
I didn’t know there was an AA step that states that you must write a list of all the famous dick you’ve taken a ride on (or a step that states that you must write a list of all the famous dick you WISH you’ve taken a ride on). According to AA.org, the fifth step is:
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Oh, now it makes sense! LiLo made a list of all the dudes she’s sorry she gave gonorrhea to.
The warped Grinch figurine also pulled everyone’s dick (yes, we’ve all got gonorrhea now and we’ll be on the next list) when she defended White Oprah. LiLo says that she’s the one who drags White Oprah to clubs as a “security blanket” and then told the funniest joke of all-time when she said that White Oprah doesn’t drink. I think LiLo cut herself off too soon. What she meant to say was, “My mother doesn’t drink…..anything that doesn’t come in a bottle with ‘100 proof’ written on it.”
Here’s LiLo talking about the list she probably leaked herself, because she needed something to cry about for the last episode of her shit show.