The Human Ken Doll Would Like You To Know That He Doesn’t Have A Ken Doll No-Crotch

April 15, 2014 / Posted by:

I know your eyes are swirling around like nuts in a food processor after gazing at The Human Ken Doll’s stuffed red pepper Speedo bulge, but try to focus for a second, because The Human Ken Doll would like you to know what’s going on down there. Stop what you’re doing (squinting to see if you can make out the outline of his Barbie Dream Peen) because this is important.

The angel of my fever dreams, Human Ken Doll (real name: Justin Jedlica) gave an interview to The Daily Beast where he assured everyone questioning the moral implications of fapping to a man who looks like a real-life Rio Pacheco that it’s okay, because even though his body is 90% factory-made plastic, he’s human where it counts:

“I would say more of my inspiration stems from ‘manga’ or anime. I find that much more appealing in all honestly than a Ken doll. It’s sort of that over-stylized, cartoonish version of human form [that I like]. I have all these haters on my page being like, ‘Does that mean you want to cut off your penis?’ And I’m like actually, I wish it was dragging on the ground like anime.”

Oooh, be careful what you wish for, Justin! As someone who’s read every book in the Goosebumps series and seen every episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark, I know that 99.9% of wishes come with dark-sided consequence. It may seem like a good idea to wish for a dick that you have to drag around in a bundle buggy, but it could end up being a curse (“Not possible” – all the true blue sluts).

And unless that’s nothing more than an obese starfish taking a nap in the crotch of his swimsuit, I’d say his dick is doing alright by him.

Pic: Instagram

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