I know, saying “Lindsay Lohan Drank Vodka At Coachella” is like saying “A Kardashian Lazily Sucked A Black Dick.” You look at those words with blank eyes while slowly chewing your everything bagel with cream cheese and butter and you think to yourself, “And?”
Lindsay Lohan is as good at making smart decisions as she is at properly moisturizing her parched, cotton-mouthed weave, so this weekend she, a supposedly newly sober-ish trick, took her ass to Coachella, a desert booze playground where the dust is laced with coke and the farts coming out of the fake hipsters are made of 90% molly. A source type tells InTouch Weekly that on Saturday, LiLo, who admitted on her reality shit show that she relapsed, was backstage with friends and her sister The Curious Case of Ali Lohan during Kid Cudi’s set and she was sipping a cup full of “clear liquid.” It was obviously water and by “obviously water” I mean obviously vodka since vodka is the Lohan family’s water. The source also claims that they watched LiLo’s friend hand her a vodka soda. The source snorted this out:
“She looked completely out of it. She couldn’t stand up straight and she was frantically chain smoking cigarettes. In one of her hands she had a plastic cup with a clear liquid in it. The group was standing in a small cabana, booth type thing and one of the friends was making regular trips to the bar. I overheard the friend order four vodka sodas and when he carried them back to the group, he handed one to Lindsay and she started drinking it. She didn’t seem to care who saw and none of the group seemed concerned.”
TMZ said that before LiLo went off to CokeHella she vowed that she wouldn’t let the sweet nectar touch her tongue, but that’s like me saying I’m going to go to PornHub and not fap.
On LiLo’s reality shit show on OWN Lindsay: Moving And Setting Alarm Clocks Is Hard, she always farts at the mouth about how she’s SO sober that she can be at a club for hours with her coked-up friends and watch them get drunk while she sips water, because she’s THAT sober. That tells me that this bitch has never been one hundred percent sober while partying with a bunch of drunk bitches. Because nothing makes you want to guzzle down booze like sitting in the middle of a bunch of drunken whores acting a drunken mess.
Pic: Pacific Coast News