The Sads: We Might Never See Christina Hendricks With Magnificent Pregnancy Chichis

April 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Throw yourself onto your fluffiest, most overstuffed pillows and weep, because Christina Hendricks has told Health magazine that she’ll never bless our eyes with the sight of beautiful leche-swollen chesticles, because she doesn’t really want children. NO! How could she? What did the poor children ever do to Christina to make her snatch away the gift of nursing them with her ethereal chichis???

“We got a puppy, and that’s my idea of starting a family. People say, ‘Oh, that’s practice for parenting,’ but if it’s practice for anything it’s to be a mom to another puppy. We’ve decided that we are not really interested in having children.”

“It’s just very normal for people to say, ‘Well, when you guys have kids…’ and then when I say, ‘Actually, I don’t think we’re going to do that,’ people will say, ‘Oh, you say that now…’ It doesn’t bother me, though. And, you know, there’s a small chance I could change my mind.”

Did you hear that? She says we’ve got a chance! Quick, start emailing Christina Hendricks every internet video you can find of a baby doing something cute, and delete all the ones where they’re shitting or projectile vomiting. The hungry bebehs of the future need our help!

But I can sort-of understand why she’s picking puppies over bebehs. Puppies will never crash your car through the garage door. Puppies will never drop out of high school to pursue their dream of becoming a DJ. Puppies will never steal your booze. And puppies will never greedily nurse the life and effervescence from your tittys, only to leave them with tiny bite-makes from baby-teefs and sagging down to your waist. Puppies are considerate like that.

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