Night Crumbs

When Lohanthony screams, “Calling all the basic bitches,” this is what shows up. But really, let’s play a quick game of M/F/K. I’d marry Katie Holmes, because she has experience in bearding and I want to know all of Tommy Girl’s secrets. I’d fuck Jessica Biel, because you know she’s a power top and can work a strap-on. And I wouldn’t kill Kate Bosworth’s malnourished Enchanted Evening Barbie-looking ass, but I would feed her a few meals from Claim Jumper – Lainey Gossip  

Nothing is sexier than Miley Cyrus looking like a wet, topless and drunk Hermey the Dentist – Drunken Stepfather

Aaron Carter just melted into a puddle of meth and sadness – Celebitchy

Whatshername from The Real Housewives of Orange County is knocked up – Reality Tea

I see that Alec Baldwin is staying retired from public life….. – Towleroad

So I guess we have a new Ireland Baldwin in RPattz’s one-time piece. Yay us. – The Superficial

Sarah Hyland modeling the outfit found in every Coachella starter kit – Hollywood Tuna

RIP Coldwater Creek! – Jezebel

Emma Stone looks good and everything, but I’ve never noticed Spiderman’s cum drop eyes before – Popoholic

We’ll be drowning in more Duggars real soon – IDLYITW

Minnie Driver quit Twitter over whores hating on her bikini body – ICYDK

And I’ll take #1 through #29 – The Berry

Drake tries to trick people into talking trash about Drake by disgusting himself in a Kevin Spacey wig and a face merkin (and he still looks like Drake) – HuffPo

Prince William and Duchess Kate are still working really hard during their tour of New Zealand – Popsugar

Personally, I prefer to freebase crotch crabs, but my drug tastes are more refined – OMG Blog

Oh, Lea Michele and that Grade F Barbra Streisand impersonation….. – Moe Jackson

RDJ joined Twitter. Everything has changed. – SOW

Brad Pitt looks hot again – Just Jared

Pic: Getty