I know most of Hillary Clinton’s shoes look like they came from a Naturalizer outlet, but throwing a shoe at her is not the way to tell her to step up her shoe game. Hillary was on stage at some recycling conference at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas yesterday when a crazy blonde bitch (Does Ann Coulter have an alibi?) got past security and busted out a scene straight out of a Flavor of Love reunion when she tried to hit Hillary in the head with a flying heel. You’d think that Hillary would be used to Bill Clinton’s scorned whores throwing shit at her and she’d catch the shoe and throw it back, but instead she clapped her hands together, said “SANTO DIOS!” on the inside, prayed and scurried away. I had to laugh, because Hillary looked like my abuelita doing the Cha Cha Slide. Now turn it up!
Hillary made a few jokes afterward and sadly one of the jokes wasn’t, “Who throws a shoe, honestly?”
“What was that, a bat? Is that somebody throwing something at me? Is that part of Cirque du Soleil? My goodness, I didn’t know that solid waste management was so controversial. Thank goodness she didn’t play softball like I did.”
The crazy shoe-throwing blonde bitch was taken into custody by secret service. They didn’t give up her name and didn’t say why she did it. Oh well, that’s the last we’ll hear of her, because she’ll probably be skinned alive and her skin will be used to make Hillary a brand new set of scrunchies.
Of course, this is obligatory:
Dubya does it better, but if I had to pick between him and Hillary for my dodgeball team, I’d go with Hillary, because I can’t say no to a chick in a scrunchie.