After creaming at the mouth about how much her heart jizzes for Big Sean and how she loves that he wears the pants in the relationship and how she’s always breaking her pussy by constantly riding on his (NSFW unless you work with John Travolta) tee ball bat dick, the plastic hybrid of JLo and Kim Kardashian isn’t going to marry him anytime soon. Star Magazine says that Naya Rivera pressed the stop button on their wedding plans, because Big Sean admitted to her that he dipped his foot-long beef wellington peen (beef willyngton?) into coochies that weren’t attached to her body. But in a statement of words to People, Big Sean ‘s spokeswhore says that he’s the one who broke things off and the rumors are not true. But what is true is that the 99 Cent Store Kim and Kanye dolls who’ve been collecting dust on a clearance shelf are over. The skies are filled with the tears of cherubs who are weeping over the death of true love.
“After careful thought and much consideration, Sean has made the difficult decision to call the wedding off. The recent rumors and accusations reported by so-called or fake sources are simply untrue. Sean wishes Naya nothing but the best and it is still his hope that they can continue to work through their issues privately. We will not be commenting again on this matter.”
This mess could get messier, because earlier today, Naya tweeted (and quickly deleted) this little accusation:
But a source (probably Big Sean’s silo-full-of-cum dick) tells TMZ that Big Sean didn’t steal anything from Naya and he broke off the wedding weeks ago, because she’s controlling and thinks he’s boning pieces on the side, which he says he’s not.
Well, since Naya is in the breaking up mood, she should also break up with the plastic surgeons, the mannequin makers, the wax figure sculptures, the auto painters, the weave masters, the contractors and anybody else who helped her look like a permanently-surprised Kim Kardashian claymation statue in Ron Perlman’s old Beast wig. Shit, she should break up with the part of herself that thought that doing that shit to her face was a good idea.
And here’s Naya at some Marie Claire party last night. Everybody she talked to was probably like, “Do I have some shit in my teeth? Is there a killer clown standing behind me, because why are your eyes all wide like that?”