Tom Ford Got Married To His Man Of 27 Years

*Pictures removed by request*

Master beard pruner Tom Ford and his journalist partner Richard Buckley have been together for 27 years (which is 1,387 years in gay years and UNNATURALLY IMPOSSIBLE in Goop years) and they went through Richard’s fight against throat cancer together and they became daddies 2 years ago, but I guess they figured that they had a good run and it’s time for them to ruin their relationship by getting married. Start the conscious uncoupling clock! During a talk at one of the Apple Stores in London last night, Tom Ford casually slipped in (yes, I got the puckers while typing that) the news that he’s a married man now.

“I lost so many friends in college – I would say more than half of my closest friends. Richard, my partner of 27 years, had also gone through something also quite tough in his life. We are now married which is nice. I know that was just made legal in the UK which is great; we were married in the States.”

You probably didn’t read any of those words since you were too busy brushing your eyeballs against the manicured edges of Tom Ford’s sharp-as-fuck beard.

I need to update my wet dream fantasies now. Because in my wet dream fantasies, while Tom and I are lying on black silk sheets on his circular bed under a mirrored ceiling, he sips bourbon from a crystal goblet as I meticulously trim his nipple hairs with tiny baby scissors and when I’m done with that he puts on his tux and tells me he’s late for his hourly beard pruning appointment. That’s how it usually ends. But now it’ll end with him putting on his gold wedding ring before telling me he has to leave before his husband suspects anything. This is good, because my Tom Ford wet dream fantasy was getting a little boring. Me being his side piece slut is really going to spice my Tom Ford wet dream fantasy up! (Yes, I hug my pillow and cry myself to sleep every night.)

Here’s Tom, his husband their kid Alexander at LAX last month.