No, you’re not looking at a picture of me after my mental breakdown yesterday (not enough ice cream and tears on that sweater); believe it or not, it’s actually Jennifer Aniston on the set of her new movie “Cake”. Jenny must be gunning for an Oscar nomination, because she’s put on her best version of ugly drag, which means dying her hair Nice n’ Easy 6A (Light Ash Brown) and putting on a pair of dumpy old Gap khakis from 1998.
According to the description of “Cake”, Jenny is playing “A grieving mother suffering from chronic pain in the aftermath of a fatal car accident”, and truthfully I think they’ve done a good job of making Jenny look like a sad mom. There’s nothing I hate more than when Hollywood tries to convince us a character is poor or homely by putting a gorgeous actress in an Old Navy hoodie and a ponytail. “Wait, where did Sofia Vergara go? All I see is Darlene McFugly, Kmart manager.”
I’m sure Jenny is convinced she’s pulling a Charlize Theron and has probably already started rehearsing her Academy Award acceptance speech, but she still just looks like every other person I’ve ever seen in line at Circle K buying 2-for-1 Monsters and a lottery ticket. All that’s missing is her jangling the 30 random keys on her Nascar lanyard till I give her the stink-eye.
Here’s more of Jennifer on set mentally counting down the minutes till she is able to go home and jump into a 10-gallon jug of La Mer cream, as well as her co-star Sam Worthington (who plays, let me guess, the hot guy who pulls her out of her depressive funk by fucking the hot back into her):