Oh, Kelly Brook, You So Subtle

April 2, 2014 / Posted by:

This generation’s answer to Kelly LeBrock (“Errr, but who in the hell was asking for a new Kelly LeBrock?” – everybody) got engaged to the modest tattooed bag of muscles David McIntosh a quick second ago and since everybody’s minds were shaking in anticipation over what her engagement ring looks like, she gave us all the Q-Tip by oh-so-subtly flashing the ring she bought herself during a pap stroll to his first home the gym in L.A. yesterday. You’re probably reading this with your head slumped on the table and your body drained of energy, because ever since you read that Kelly Brook is going to get pre-divorced to Mr. BoiledPotatoAndCarrotCrotch, you went on a hunger strike until your eyes got a glimpse of her ring. You can nourish yourself again!

It’s obvious that Kelly went to Jared herself, because if David picked out and bought that ring, it would’ve been shaped like a barbell since he ain’t picking up shit unless it has weights on it. And the literary journal of integrity The Daily Mail points us to this tweet that David tweeted out right around the time he proposed to Kelly stopped lifting two Fiats to shrug and say, “uh, okay,” when Kelly showed him the ring she bought herself.

biggest smile on my face 1:cos I av da most incredible woman in my life 2:cos I’m smashing a shoulder session dat wud cripple 10 humans

And that tweet crippled 10 of my brain cells. Haha, I know, like I have 10 brain cells. You know, if David talks like he types, then he probably sounds like a post-stroke Tweety Bird with a burnt tongue. Kelly Brook picked out the best starter husband!

With all that being said, yes, I still wud.

Pics: Splash

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