A minute after I pulled my bloated, three-day-old burrito body out of my bed this morning, I checked Facebook and the first thing my barely opened eyes saw was a status from an evil shit that read: RIP Betty White. I calmly picked up my phone to call 911 since I knew I was seconds away from having a heart attack and wanted the coroner to pick up my dead body right away before my face ended up in my dog’s stomach. But when I looked at my phone I realized it was Annual STUNT QUEEN Day and even though whatever’s left of my heart is still stuck in my throat (eh, I’m kind of into it), at least Betty White still lives! That was a cruel, sick prank, but it’s still nothing compared to the trick that Cheetos played on their queen Brit Brit.
A few days ago, Cheetos started the April Fool’s fuckery early when they announced that they were releasing a fragrance called Cheeteau which smells like a blend of “buttery notes, accents of sharp cheddar and a touch of lemon for balance.” In other words, it smells like the time Brit Brit and KFed bareback boned and used Pledge as lube because they ran out of KY. Cheetos went all the way. They made ads, a commercial and held an event today. in NYC But it’s all just a sick prank. Poor Brit Brit. It’s true that the one you love the most, hurts you the most. She was going to save up her weekly allowance to buy all the bottles of Cheeteau, because she going to bathe in it, drink it, piss in it and douche with it. It was going to be her Dr. Bronner’s. Actually, now that I think about it, she probably doesn’t give a shit since “Cheeteau” is already her natural stank.
via Ad Age