Chelsea Handler Will Say “Bye Bitch” To E! When Her Contract Is Up In 9 Months

March 30, 2014 / Posted by:

I know, God and his son are going to write me up again for posting a picture of that succubus turd out of Luficer’s b-hole on a SUNDAY. But since E! is practically the K! Network, it works.

When Chelsea Handler was on Howard Stern a little while ago, she took a huge, wet messy shit on E!’s face and said it was a “sad, sad place to live” and she’s looking for a new network after 8 years. I sort of shook my head in agreement with her, because it too would give me the sads if I walked into the lunch room of a job and saw Ryan Seacrest licking on Pimp Mama Kris’ ass as a thank you for putting another million dollars in his shady leprechaun pot. Anyway, today, Chelsea’s new manager Irving Azoff tells The Hollywood Reporter that her contract with E! expires at the end of the year and she plans to pack up Chuy and move out of the House of Kardashishit. Irving claims that Chelsea’s got offers from 7 suitors and she’s thinking of doing a radio show or a weekly late-night show on another network. Irv spit this out:

“Chelsea intends to leave when her contract expires. She hired me to figure out her life after E! We have at least seven suitors and many ideas.”

Chelsea apparently makes $9 million a year at E! and an inside source type tells THR that they doubt another network will pay her that much. But Chelsea thinks she’s hot shit right now, because her book Uganda Be Kidding Me (Uganda be kidding me about that fucking title) has been #1 on The New York Times Bestsellers’ list for longer than a week and she’s in the middle of a huge national comedy tour. Chelsea’s show brings in 572,000 eyeballs a night, but her manager claims her fan base is a lot bigger than that.

When the drunk, slutty best friend of every bland A-list bitch in Hollywood (see: Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, Goopy Paltrow, etc….) talked trash about E! on Howard, I figured she was playing the game hard. I thought it was her way of letting E! know that if they don’t drop a larger mountain of cash into her checking account, she’ll fuck the head of another network to get a new show.

Chelsea gets paid $9 million a damn year to get drunk and talk shit about famous whores (which is my job description sans the “collect $9 million a year” part), so if she’s willing to let go of that gig, then I guess swimming in a pool full of tequila under the hot sun for hours on end with Jennifer Aniston in Mexico fried the part of her brain that makes good decisions. We should all hate Chelsea if Chelsea leaves E!, because if she does, you know who will get her time slot…..

Coming soon to E!: Pimp Mama Kris’ Hour Of Whoring! Watch Pimp Mama Kris spend a full hour rubbing her down low parts while reading stories about her family in the tabloids!

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