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Bumper Stumpers, the 80s Canadian gameshow where you guess vanity licence plates!

Unless you lived in the wilderness and were being raised by a family of marmots, every kid growing up in Canada in the 1980s watched the greatest gameshow known to man, Bumper Stumpers. And even if you’d never actually watched it, you’ve at least heard people watching it, because Bumper Stumpers was the gameshow that turned the viewers at home into shouting insanity goblins.

The whole point of Bumper Stumpers was that two teams would try to win money by guessing made-up vanity licence plates. Since that’s something you probably already did in your car, it was easy to play at home; except that it wasn’t, because all the licence plates didn’t make any goddamn sense. But it didn’t matter, because instead of seeing something like ISHMPUU and thinking ‘What does that even mean? Who would put that stupid plate on their car?’ you start screaming out shit like “I’LL HUMP YOU…IS HUMPING YOU…I SHIT POO…SHRIMP U…SHRIMP UNIVERSITY…HUMP UNIVERSITY”. This would continue for the next 24 minutes or until someone changed the channel to Perfect Strangers, whichever would come first.

Unfortunately, the reward for playing Bumper Stumpers was shittier than the actual game: the maximum you could win was $1,500, which is pretty low, even in 1980s Canadian dollars. But nobody ever won anything close to $1,500 because every player on Bumper Stumpers sucked. They always sounded like immigrants sounding out flashcards in an English for Beginners class at the Y. Which leads me to believe the show was rigged. I mean, it would make sense. All it takes is one look at the Bumper Stumper’s set to know that they definitely can’t afford to give away $1,500 every week: