This is exactly why I would never pay for college if I had kids (“Oh, I don’t think you have to worry about kids any time soon” – my collection of alphabetized ALF comics). According to Buzzfeed, Skidmore College, staying true to their name, will offer a class this summer on the Crown Princess of the Skids herself, Miley Ray Destiny Hope [banjo sound] Cyrus. The class is called The Sociology of Miley Cyrus: Race, Class, Gender, and Media, but it should be called It Looks Like You Need An Easy A, because any dum-dum with a wifi connection and Instagram already knows everything there is to know about Miley, Miley’s cooter, Miley’s sea cucumber tongue, etc etc et-fucking-cetera. Watch, I’ll prove to you how easy it would be to ace this class:
Race: Miley is white, but she thinks she’s black
Class: Miley grew up rich, but she acts like she was born in the gutter in front of a condemned Daytona Beach strip club
Gender: Miley’s driver’s license says F, but technically sleazy hillbilly gophers are genderless
Media: “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” is probably my favorite, but “I Can Do bad All By Myself” is a close second (oh shit, I thought that said Madea. My bad)
There you have it! That last one tripped me up a bit, but give me a fucking break; I went to art college. I have no idea how to take a test without the help of a middle-aged hippie in a floor-length batik-print caftan, 1/2 a tray of weed brownies, and feelings.
And the only part of that class that actually looks interesting is ‘What happens to Disney stars as they age (see Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and more)’ Oooh! Oooh! I know this one! Starting with Justin Timberlake, the answers are: deluding themselves into thinking they’re a great actor, professional Britney impersonator, and slowly transforming into a cartoon drag queen.