And no, I’m not talking about being a head-to-toe assault on the eyeballs, either. At least not right now. Take a seat in the hallway, you tacky glittery wet Pepto fart of an outfit; I’ll be with you in a second.
There must be a vacant seat at the boardroom table of the Tee Hee, What’s Feminism? Association, because during her interview with Sirius XMs The Morning Mashup, Lady Gaga (or Lagy Gaag) said some stuff regarding the dynamic of her relationship with boyfriend Taylor Kinney that is sure to guarantee her a spot as either Vice President of Don’t Ask Me I’m Just A Girl or Secretary of Wifey Needs Help Opening This Pickle Jar. When asked about her relationship with Kinney, Gaga said:
“He’s totally in charge. I mean, when I am home, I am like, shoes are off, I’m making him dinner. He has a job, too, and he is really busy! I’m in charge all day long, the last thing I want to do is tell him what to do. It’s not good for relationships to tell men what to do.”
If you’re wondering what my face looked like after reading that horseshit, take Donna Meagle and multiply it by 200. It’s not good for relationships to tell men what to do? Who the fuck taught her about relationships, Tony Soprano? Or maybe this is just another creative way to sell copies of ARTPOP. “Gaga, we’re thinking it might be a good idea to reach out to some previously ignored markets. What do you think about the submissive wives of Utah? That’s a potential sale of 5,000 units, which would double the current sales! And if that fails, we can always try pushing ARTPOP to stay-at-home dogs.”
Okay, pink sparkle turd, it’s your turn. If Gaag’s offensively backwards relationship logic didn’t convince you that her brain was replaced with an overcooked ham and cheese Hot Pocket, then the costumes she wore this morning will. I don’t know which I like more: the head-to-toe pink glitter suit that makes her look like a stripper’s toenail, or the silver Reynolds Wrap suit that makes her look like a busted Moon Dreamers doll. Oh, don’t make me choose; they’re both so 1st year art college.