Carson Daly Has Knocked Up His Fiancé For The Third Time

March 25, 2014 / Posted by:

Carson Daly, host of The Voice and The Today Show (or if you grew up in a country without MTV like me, ‘that guy who got into a fight with Fred Durst over a Christina Aguilera blow-j’) announced last night on The Tonight Show that he and his fiancé Siri Pinter are praaag with with third child. The already have a 5-year-old named Jack and a 19-month-old named Etta, so I’m guessing they’ll follow the Rule of Threes and name Kid #3 something equally boring and inoffensive, like Maddie or Charlie. And speaking of the Rule of Threes, how spooky is this?

SUNDAY: A baby signs a 9-month lease on Mila Kunis’s womb
MONDAY: Stacy Keibler uses a delicious-looking onion bun to announce she is with child
TUESDAY: Carson Daly gets his fiancé pregnant for the 3rd time

Well, if you’ve ever wanted to confess that you accidentally dropped a lit joint in your mom’s Windstar and burned a hole through the seat and that’s why it always smelled like a burnt wig, now is the time because clearly the END OF DAYS is upon us. Okay, maybe not the end of days. But at least the end of vacation days at every diaper factory in existence, because they’re going to have to work triple-overtime to make enough doo doo catchers for the impending Baby Apocalypse that will happen sometime in September 2014.

But congratulations to Carson Daly and Surly Painter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to fantasize about an alternate reality where Carson Daly had stayed with Tara Reid and knocked her up with three bug-eyed, sunbleached tanorexic tequila-chugging toddlers.

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