Ah, Magic Middles. Nothing takes you back to the food fuckery of the 90s like a fudge-packed cookie baked by tree-dwelling elves. But that’s not what’s important here (wrong; fudge-filled foods are always the most important). What matters is that former show pony of George Clooney Stables, Stacy Keibler, is knocked up with a bebeh!!! Do you hear that? That’s the sound the WWE firing off their celebratory t-shirt cannons to congratulate one of their own.
After rushing to the altar to marry her piece of 7 months, Jared Pobre, and making sure her best angle was anything but her baby maker in her wedding photos, it was pretty obvious that something in the titty leche wasn’t clean. So Stacy didn’t exactly surprise anyone when she uploaded a picture of a bun in an oven to Instragram and announced that she’s pargnunt. But the food-obsessed golden retriever in me could give a shit about the baby news, because I’m too busy trying to figure out what kind of bun that is. Is it an onion bun? It looks like it could also be a raisin brioche. Ugh, it’s too hard to tell because it’s so small! Stacy, I need a better picture of the bun. Please send it to firstname.lastname@example.org, and if you can, please also send the bun.
It seems like 2014 is turning into the Year of the Diaper, so let’s all place bets on who will be next to join Stacy Keibler, Mila Kunis, ScarJo, and Xtina in the VIP section of Club Le Fetus. My money is on a Duggar (duh – always put your money on the Duggar).