Toddler Without A Clue

Because Justin Bieber is always finding ways to remind humanity that he’s forever stuck inside a thick fart bubble of sheer delusion, he threw up a picture on Instagram of him paying homage to James Dean. The Biebs thinks it’s an homage, but that 7.8 earthquake over James Dean’s grave site tells me that James Dean probably thinks otherwise. James Dean died decades before most Beliebers were just a stubborn little jizz fish squeezing themselves through the torn slit in the broken condom over their dad’s dick, so they probably have no idea who James Dean is. They’re wondering why their toddler God is dressed up like the man who makes the pancake wieners their mom lets them eat for special on Sundays.

James Dean perfected the scowl and the Biebs still look like someone asked him what 1 + 1 is just as he sat on a dry jumbo-sized butt plug while suffering from a severe case of the wet shits. (Side question: Is this douche’s toddler bodybuilder body growing or his head shrinking?) This is the new definition of NO and just because bitch has won one Big Wheels drag race on the school playground, doesn’t mean he should start dressing up like James Dean. On a positive note, candy cigarettes look so real nowadays.

The Biebs squirted out this little note about doing himself up in Dean drag:

This is James Dean inspired. Don’t ask me if I smoke ciggys cuz I don’t

Only the baddest bitch on the Montessori pre-school playground calls them “ciggys.”

The Biebs tried it, but when a pug without a cause does a better and badder James Dean impersonation than you, it’s time to stop trying it.

In other Bieber non-news, the NYDN says that on a trip from Panama to Canada on January 28th, he and Bang Bang Tattoos tried to set a Guinness World Record when he got two tattoos while 40,000 feet above. The NYDN has the pictures of his new douche-ified tattoos. The Biebs got the word “forgive” tattooed under his bellybutton and a giant Ed Hardy-like tacky cross tattooed on his chest. I’m trying to figure out how is it possible that the tattooed cross on that anti-christ’s chest didn’t immediately turn upside down and start bleeding out blood.