Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 23, 2014 / Posted by:

Rambo, the baddest guard dog on film and star of Mannequin!

The cinematic gift to the world known as Mannequin was given to us in 1987, which means it was probably shot around 1986, which means that if Rambo was still alive today he’d be around 30 years old and would be wearing the Oldest Bitch Alive crown. So it’s safe to say that the skilled canine thespian who played the role of Rambo in Mannequin is now up in heaven, not giving a fuck while thieving angels ransack the department store he’s supposed to be guarding. But after watching Mannequin for the millionth time on HBO yesterday (Side note: It is highly illegal and against all the laws when you don’t stop everything you’re doing to watch Mannequin after coming across it while channel flipping) and taking in the brilliance of Rambo, it’s only right to make him a┬áposthumous HSOTD.

In Mannequin (aka the most inspirational movie to every object fucker), Rambo is the sidekick to Felix (played by G.W. Bailey), the night security guard at Sophia Petrillo’s department store who knows that Andrew McCarthy is up to some shifty, mannequin-fucking shenanigans. Rambo has a mannequin phobia, is lazier than Andy Cohen’s left eye, doesn’t walk more than 10 steps in the entire movie, hates his job and is a master at throwing a “Bitch please” up-eye (see: picture above). Next to Kim Cattrall, Hollywood, Jefferson Airplane Starship’s (or whatever the fuck their name was at the time) song and Sophia Petrillo, Rambo is the best thing about Mannequin.

They’ve been talking about doing a Mannequin remake for years (because Hollywood loves nothing more than to stomp on the most vulnerable parts of our childhoods) and if they ever get around to destroying it, they’re totally going to make Rambo a security cat and Grumpy Cat is totally going to play him.

End note: After watching Mannequin for the 5,998,973th time yesterday, it was obvious to me that Kanye West got the idea for that shitty Bound 2 video from it. Kanye saw Andrew McCarthy driving around on a motorcycle with a plastic, emotionless dummy and immediately wanted to do the same thing with his plastic, emotionless dress-up doll dummy. #nodisrespecttothekimcattrallmannequin

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