A Couple That Coordinates Their Accessories Together…

March 23, 2014 / Posted by:

…has a lot of fucking time on their hands.

Brangelina’s Wednesday matinee standby BerJohnny (which sounds like a cutesy name that Brit Brit calls her bergina) left their hotel in NYC yesterday holding hands while Amber Heard flashed her diamond hitchin’ ring, because that’s what engaged celeb whores do when they call the paps and bitches know what they gotta do to get the biggest picture in the “spotted” section of a weekly tabloid. Holding hands only gets them a small picture, but hand holding PLUS that ring flash gets them the big spot. Bitches know the game. But if I didn’t already know that was Amber Heard and Johnny Depp, I’d guess it was an au pair for a really rich family helping a blind hobo across the street.

I know Johnny Depp’s hat cost more than my life and I know that it took 13 highly-trained moths at least 6 months to chew the perfect pattern into that hat while under the direct supervision of a French milliner, but that hat scares me.


I mean, doesn’t it look like an enraged Voldemort screaming before he inhales in your soul? Or am I just permanently stoned? Let’s go with option c: BOTH.

Pics: Splash

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