Last night on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Kevin Bacon proved once again why he’s still one of the hottest pieces around (for reasons greater than just having a delicious-sounding name). Kevin was there to promote his show The Following, but it’s also the 30th anniversary of the film Footloose, so Jimmy set up his introduction around a joke that dancing had been outlawed on The Tonight Show. Cut to Kevin Bacon in his dressing room wearing his costume from Footloose. And cut to me letting out a slow yaaasssss, because I offing love The Footloose. And I say ‘The Footloose’, because there is only one. Yes I’m talking about you, Footloose remake! Hang your head in shame; you’re not a movie, YOU’RE A MONSTER.
Even though Kevin Bacon is 55, he can still move like he’s 25. Sort of. There was obviously a dance-double or two in a couple of those shots, but I’ll give it a pass because the original was as fake as the ass on a Kardashian, and also because Kevin Bacon probably has DKs (dad knees) and he can’t wiggle and thrust like he used to. But GUT DAYUM he can still fill out a pair of jeans. I had to call up my therapist halfway through that video because I was starting to get the most confusing downstairs feelings. “Hi, Dr. Black? Is it normal to get turned on by a middle-aged Kevin Bacon shimmying his ass around in a pair of stonewashed Kirkland Signatures? It is? Okay, well what about John Lithgow? Footloose era, present day, doesn’t matter. Hello? Hello?”